I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
