Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
