Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
