you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
