Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have tasted many bathrooms
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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