when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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