I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
