I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
