you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
