Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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