shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
