Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
