I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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