When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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