This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
