also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
