chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
