I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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