If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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