Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
