If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
