New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
