Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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