I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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