Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
