You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize