I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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