Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
a search helicopter?!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
