You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
