She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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