I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I could fuck to npr.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
