I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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