How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
