Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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