Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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