wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
