I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
