well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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