Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
