Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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