If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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