just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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