My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
