I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
