oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
