So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
