i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
