I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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