Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
