i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
