I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
