New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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