I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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