being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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