You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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