Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
