its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
