I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
