i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
