We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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