i barfeds in our rink
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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