theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
