forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
