we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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